Bette Davis and the Balconettes

Forget everything you have been told to believe, forget the Beatles and the Monkees, Kurt Cobain and Kiki Dee. Expunge all hipness from your waistlines, shave your dirty tramp beards off, pull your jeans back up above your armpits, empty that can of paint onto your plate and throw the felafels in the bin, go to Ho’s Bakery and get a chicken curry pasty, hold it above your head and squeeze it until the juice pours down your face, and scream, take all your clothes off and loot a dress from Miss Mary of Sweden, puke on it, wear it,  get some decent trainers and biro all over them…go back in time, find Noel and Liam Gallagher when they were kids and nick their sweets.

Music died when this band split up, they were there at the start of Rock and Roll, they started it all, they gave birth to Elvis and kicked him out for being too shit, they told John Lennon to piss off and get a job, they stole Eric Clapton’s guitar and replaced it with a tomato and he never realised and since then everything he has done was a lie performed on a tomato. They took the whole of music by surprise and replaced everything useful with something equally useful but not musical, even Chuck Berry played Maybelline on a toasted sandwich. This is how they gave Rock and Roll to us.

There is a podcast here with, about half way in, a recent interview with Sam and Brian from the band.


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