Artists seeking “something better to do”

The artists in happier days.

After years of doing things because there was “nothing better to do” radical avant garde artists Dave “Croc” Moss and Simon “Monkey” Woolham have decided to stop making art and find something better to do.

According to their manager Tour de France Tony;  “I have been saying for years, haven’t you got owt better to do than stubbing out fags into fried eggs and drawing pubic mushrooms? you lazy sods”

The reasons for giving up art and finding something better to do are many and complex and vary from artist to artist, and quite often a desire to do something better is at the root of such swerves away from a well sodden and manicured career path.

Woolham’s press office released this statement earlier today:

“Simon went abstract too early, rather than deriving a language from experimentation with the figurative, he plunged headlong into a world of random shapes and scrawls and now he feels it is time to pull back, reflect and move on to something much more worthwhile, and also he was getting a bit sick of that twat Mossy nicking all his ideas”

The art world is still reeling in shock from this surprising announcement and we canvassed several of the world’s greatest creative talents to see what they had to say about this tremulous decision.

Todd Carty “it is a sad day, but not as sad as the day Danny Kendall died”

Lita Ford “what a cherry bummer!”

Lemmy from Marillion “I used to live in Heaton Moor you know”

Richard Wilson  “I don’t believe it”

Allison from Big Brother 3 “they were charlatans, deceivers, double dealers and reivers with a puerile desire to hide behind masks while simultaneously waving their metaphoric twangers in everyone’s faces, but sadly for them, the world turned the other cheek”

Arse Von Trier “Satan is real”

Mickey Rooney “How far away am I?”


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